Thinking Outside the Box
Children, by nature, are full of verbal and nonverbal questions.
Often, adults provide answers to these questions instead of
encouraging young children and youth to find out on their own.
Research has shown this practice can have a deleterious effect
on a child’s motivation to learn. It causes children to cease wondering and asking questions. It inhibits their exploration and discovery, and stops them from developing the skills of critical thinking. However, adults continue to do it. Adults—parents and teachers—continue to be didactic when they could encourage children and adolescents to be more curious and thoughtful.
What strong need(s) do we have as adults that drive us to squelch
curiosity in a child, even if that’s not our true intention? If you think you might do this, I suggest you look inside yourself and examine why. Whatever the reason, make the effort to stop yourself from automatically giving answers to children and instead create ways to show them how to find their own answers. When you do this, not only will your children benefit, but—and this may come as a surprise— you
will enhance your own curiosity and ability to take risks and
learn something new.
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The information and parenting strategies presented
in the child-rearing articles on this site are not opinions, intuitions
or one parent's advice to other parents. Dr. Haiman conducted an
extensive review of the published child development and child-rearing
research before writing each of the child-rearing articles on this
site. Dr. Haiman also fathered and raised two children.
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HOW TO PREVENT SIBLING RIVALRY
A plethora of books, articles, videos, and advice about
how to prevent or to handle sibling rivalry is available for parents
with two or more children. But to what degree is all this information
useful? How valuable is it really?
In fact, many experts fail to do what is perhaps most important when
it comes to dealing with sibling rivalry: look at what is happening
through the child’s emotional eyes. And so the parents they advise
also fall short in this way. Parents try hard to be helpful, but they
do so from the point of view of a caring parent. They don’t always
understand what their children are trying to tell them.
For a moment, imagine yourself as an infant. Look at and feel things
as...
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Links & Resources
Valuable information for parents and professionals.
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What Parents Say
"As ever, your analysis of the problem seems accurate and your advice has been very helpful. I still have a way to go but at least I'm moving in the right direction"
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What Professionals Say
"Thank you for your well written and much needed article on the
case against time-outs. As a therapist, I am well aware
of the problems we have in this country in parenting our children and
have worked with many families in a therapeutic setting on parenting
skills and other issues. But, it wasn't until I became a parent myself
and joined a mothers club that I saw in the general population (vs.
clinical population) the myths that are so pervasive about parenting
in our culture."
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"Peter Haiman is a very gentle, loving and dynamic coach for parents. He is totally supportive of people's well
being and the well being of their children.
His enthusiasm is inspiring and his support and
empathy for parents is inspirational.
He makes the job of parenting become a satisfying one."
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