Thinking Outside the Box
Too often I hear parents blame their young children or adolescents for misbehavior when the true responsibility lies with their misguided parenting. I have seen parents punish and scold infants, toddlers, and preschoolers for behavior that was directly caused by ignorant child rearing. A large and increasing number of parents today don’t know how properly to rear children. They don’t make the effort to find good quality information about child and adolescent development and parenting. The result is more child-parent alienation, adolescent drug use, gang membership and violence, school dropouts, delinquency, and depression.
I also hear people who are parents blame members of Congress for not solving our nation’s problems—whether it be the debt crisis, lost jobs, or international conflict. I’ve read statements by some recommending members of Congress have their pay withheld as punishment, as if that were a solution. If these parents had studied the candidates more thoroughly before they voted, they might have recognized their authoritarian personalities. They might have anticipated their capacity for stonewalling, and their inability to work toward balanced compromise or to govern effectively.
When it comes to parenting our children and managing our democracy, who is really responsible?
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Dr. Haiman conducted an extensive review of the
published child development and child-rearing research before writing each
of the articles on this site. For years, he taught courses through a local
adult school to parents of young children and parents of adolescents. Because
of these efforts and his innovative work developing the national Head Start
program, he was selected to be a member of President Clinton's delegation
to Cuba in 2001. Dr. Haiman also fathered and raised two children.
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HOW TO PREVENT SIBLING RIVALRY
A plethora of books, articles, videos, and advice about
how to prevent or to handle sibling rivalry is available for parents
with two or more children. But to what degree is all this information
useful? How valuable is it really?
In fact, many experts fail to do what is perhaps most important when
it comes to dealing with sibling rivalry: look at what is happening
through the child’s emotional eyes. And so the parents they advise
also fall short in this way. Parents try hard to be helpful, but they
do so from the point of view of a caring parent. They don’t always
understand what their children are trying to tell them.
For a moment, imagine yourself as an infant. Look at and feel things
as...
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Links & Resources
Valuable information for parents and professionals.
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What Parents Say
"As ever, your analysis of the problem seems accurate and your advice has been very helpful. I still have a way to go but at least I'm moving in the right direction"
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What Professionals Say
"Thank you for your well written and much needed article on the
case against time-outs. As a therapist, I am well aware
of the problems we have in this country in parenting our children and
have worked with many families in a therapeutic setting on parenting
skills and other issues. But, it wasn't until I became a parent myself
and joined a mothers club that I saw in the general population (vs.
clinical population) the myths that are so pervasive about parenting
in our culture."
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Testimonials by Professionals
Press Quote
"Peter Haiman is a very gentle, loving and dynamic coach for parents. He is totally supportive of people's well
being and the well being of their children.
His enthusiasm is inspiring and his support and
empathy for parents is inspirational.
He makes the job of parenting become a satisfying one."
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