Thinking Outside the Box

Too often I hear parents blame their young children or adolescents for misbehavior when the true responsibility lies with their misguided parenting. I have seen parents punish and scold infants, toddlers, and preschoolers for behavior that was directly caused by ignorant child rearing. A large and increasing number of parents today don’t know how properly to rear children. They don’t make the effort to find good quality information about child and adolescent development and parenting. The result is more child-parent alienation, adolescent drug use, gang membership and violence, school dropouts, delinquency, and depression.

I also hear people who are parents blame members of Congress for not solving our nation’s problems—whether it be the debt crisis, lost jobs, or international conflict. I’ve read statements by some recommending members of Congress have their pay withheld as punishment, as if that were a solution. If these parents had studied the candidates more thoroughly before they voted, they might have recognized their authoritarian personalities. They might have anticipated their capacity for stonewalling, and their inability to work toward balanced compromise or to govern effectively.

When it comes to parenting our children and managing our democracy, who is really responsible?

More Thinking Outside the Box

Straight from the heart

By Judy Hermann

The Berkeley Voice, March 5, 1987

From several letters received:

"My husband and I were members of a group of 15 parents who met each week for six weeks to discuss living with an adolescent. The group was led by Peter Haiman.

"Peter has been leading Albany Adult Education classes and consulting with Head Start parents and teachers in understanding children's behavior, improving child-rearing practices, developing strategies to meet children's needs and understanding why parents react strongly to certain childhood behavior."

"1n our group, Peter was a warm, receptive and non-judgmental leader who was interested in each parent and child. Attending Peter's group was a wonderful experience. Our child's school grades have improved dramatically and he is a happier child since we participated in Peter's group".

"Peter is so successful because he not only has a deep knowledge of childhood research and psychology, but he is an incredibly warm, intense, sensitive and empathetic person. He loves children and has a fantastic sense of humor with his own children and their friends and is tremendously focused on them and their needs."

"Peter Haiman is a very gentle, loving and dynamic coach for parents. He is totally supportive of people's well being and the well being of their children. His enthusiasm is inspiring and his support and empathy for parents is inspirational. He makes the job of parenting become a satisfying one. When I've been in his presence and have heard parents sharing ideas with each other, we begin to feel we're doing a great job, that our problems are really very small, and that they are stages of growing. Out of discovering the different stages of my 3-year-old's growth, I have more compassion and understanding for myself."

"Having taken two classes with Peter Haiman, I consider him a friend as well as an educator. He has always been there, from researching day care facilities for sick kids to helping my husband and me through rough marital waters. Parenting brings many stresses with it and I've learned that availing ourselves of all resources is one way to make the job a little easier."

"The refreshing side is that, as a parent of young ones himself, Peter knows that, in real life, parents and kids have good days and bad days. He doesn't attempt to be super human (although to an outsider, his patience seems unending!), but only helps to put perspective on situations and offer tips on keeping one's sanity - and humor. His love of parenting is contagious. I only wish more people would see parenting as the vital job that it is - even after a stressful work day and seventh request for yet another nighttime visit."

Thank you, Peter Haiman, for helping so many people realize their potential for being satisfied parents and children of those parents!

Straight from the Heart is a thank-you column. Send your contributions to our editorial office: The Berkeley Voice, 2936 Domingo Ave., Berkeley,, CA 94705. Please include your phone number so that we can check details with you.