Thinking Outside the Box

Decisions made in family court that affect the life of the young child, but that are not based on well-researched theories of psycho-social development, such as attachment theory, hurt the very validity of the court. These decisions also can result in short- or even long-term psychological damage to the individual.

In many states, young children do not have legal representation of their own. Every child should have the right to have his or her developmental needs fully described in court. That child’s unique life history must be understood if informed decisions are to be made on his or her behalf, and appropriate parenting plans created. This requires an understanding of the research as well as of the individual child. It cannot be accomplished by lawyers alone. Children also need advocates who understand developmental theory and research, and their particular needs.

When evaluating a parenting plan, toddlers and preschoolers have the ability to indicate how well it is working. Even nonverbal infants can express their needs in a subtle manner. Advocates are essential at this stage, as well, to let the court know if the plan is working. When will this vital process become standard in the family court system? It seems we have a long road to travel.

More Thinking Outside the Box

The myths of child rearing

Toilet training and Weaning are best done by parents when their child is very young.

Terrible two behavior is a built in characteristic of children who are one and a half to four years old.

You’ll spoil that child if you pick it up when it cries or meet his/her needs.

Children should sleep in their own bed and room.

Young children should eat three complete meals per day.

Baby talk to the baby is good.

Spare the Rod and spoil the child: prompt and strict discipline from parents is the best way to teach a child to behave.

Anyone may take care of the young infant and toddler.

Sibling rivalry is inevitable.

Certain behaviors of a young child regularly cause their parents to be upset.

Babies should sleep through the night by the time they are three or four months old.

Crying it out at night is a good way to get children to sleep through the night.

It is OK for parents to rely primarily on their own instincts to rear their children.

Children learn best by sitting still and paying attention to what teachers and parents teach them.

Most pediatricians are trained to provide competent, psychosocial child development information and child-rearing advice.

Young infants do not have the ability to remember, think, abstract in their minds, use their intellect to solve problems, and they can not solve mathematical problems.

Children should be told by teachers and parents that it is wrong to make mistakes. Children should be criticized when they do make mistakes.