Parent Thank You Letters: Page 1 | 2 |
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Feb 1, 2018
Good morning Peter,
It's been about 1.5 years since our conversation and I wanted to give you an update. As a reminder, I had separated from my wife and I reached out to you for advice regarding custody transition of my then 4 year old daughter. I took your advice on how to manage the transition in such a way that would be best for my daughter, along with your advice on how best to communicate with her. I'm very pleased to inform you that everything is going as best as it possibly could and my daughter and I have a tremendous relationship built on love and trust.
Few people would have been so kind as to spend an hour on the phone with a random parent (at no cost) and I wanted you to know how much I appreciate your help and the impact it made.
Thank you again for your support and guidance.
Dec 28, 2017
I was struck by the truth of your observations; I am married to a 62 year old man who was taken away from his 'parents' when he was between the ages of 2 - 21/2.
It has taken me years of searching and learning to try and understand the degree of emotional and psychological retardation this engendered in this man.
The worst part of this is that as he gets older, he seems to be regressing further and further into the reactive rage he surely experienced during his early years.
Divorce is now my only viable option. I meant my marriage when I spoke them 25 years ago, but enough has become too much.
Please keep on with your work - far too few people have even an inkling of the long term damage that occurs when a young child suffers this type of trauma.
Dec 18, 2017
(This was a phone consultation with me between a mother in South America and the father, in Europe)
Hello Dr Peter,
First and foremost thank you for our consultation. I wanted to write you since then but there is a lot going on.
You were brilliant conducting the call and the 'hot' moments. I was surprised how the father listened to you and respected your knowledge and opinion. After we hung up, we got into a call and we had an agreement to find a solution. I could feel by his voice that he got it finally.
My deepest gratitude
Sept 24, 2017
Thank you so much. I find your website excellent and had been advising my patients to use and trust it.
Dr. MSc., MBChB. ( Retired)
May 19, 2017
Thank you for giving me "life" when I was in a very dark place. I had plenty of people who were helping me financially and emotionally, but somehow you
gave me a "fire" and hope that I could possibly win this case. We have started therapy. I have already started to see some positive outcomes from attending these sessions.
The girls are doing well.
God's blessing on you and your household!
November 29, 2016
Hi, Peter, this is B. Just giving you a call to follow up with you about the court hearing we had on November 7.
It went well. We got all the overnights revoked. And we now have a much more appropriate parenting plan put in place for several visits throughout the week with his father. I am already seeing a huge difference in D's behavior... It's been really great.
I also wanted to let you know that the judge said he took your report home. He said he really pondered about it for awhile. And that it really helped him out in making his decision.
I just wanted to call to give you the good news and say thank you for all your help.
October 4, 2016
Dear Dr. Haiman,
Thank you for returning my desperate phone call. It is unbelievable that this unfathomable trauma to parents and their children is occurring in our great nation's justice system. I was blind to the tragedies occurring until it happened to me and my children. Thank you for listening and believing in me and my daughters and for sharing the helpful information. I will continue to love and fight to protect my children. I have followed up with your recommendations, and will f/u with their recommendations. My hopes and prayers are that we can have many more trained professionals with your expertise to help shed light on this nightmare to help stop the trauma that continues after some of the young brave children disclose their nightmares.
God bless you in your fight to protect God's children.
A loving mother
Sept 14, 2016
Dear Dr Haiman
I just wanted to thank you for speaking with my daughter. She felt heard and validated in her concerns which has not happened thus far in this painful process. She will be following up on your suggestions.
Jan 31, 2016
If you have time in late February or March, I'd like to meet up with you for coffee.
My wife and I now plan to move back East. We're motivated by the change in scenery and in population density, and by the proximity to her family. Also, Bay Area economics are no longer to our advantage, and I wouldn't be surprised to learn that our emigration is part of a trend.
To help you connect the dots with who I am, we met twelve years ago, when I worked at Peet's for a couple years. We last saw each other last year at a picnic table outside of our local grocery store. I quizzed you about my plan to become an at-home dad with my son, who is now almost twenty months old.
You recommended the book "Parenting From the Inside Out". I read it immediately and have recommended it to three dozen others.
I went through a sea change by reading it. I've gone on to read other books about attachment, the general category of positive parenting, and progressive education. I used to categorize parenting and child development as just another component of life, but now I believe I see clearly that parenting is the foundation of everything. I'm still catching up with my new recognition.
Meanwhile, at the tot park and the baby gym, I see parenting and caretaking styles that could use a positive adjustment. There is a need for better informed parenting, even if the demand has not caught up with the need.
When demand falls short of a need, we're in a situation that calls for advocacy. I've been thinking of how to become a well-informed advocate for healthier child care. I reviewed your website, and it seems I'm in agreement with you on this.
After we resettle in Massachusetts, I'll begin taking steps away from my current career in search of a new career. I've thought about the fields of education, education administration, and child therapy, but I'm still undecided on just how to proceed. Do you have an idea of how you'd advise me on this?
If you won't have an opportunity to meet for coffee, I understand and I wish you well. I appreciate and will retain the memory of our conversations.
November 15, 2014
I would just like to formally thank you for taking the time to return my phone call yesterday. Your website spoke volumes but my personal interaction with you really illuminated the passion and compassion that you have for children. We felt totally alone and confused in this serious and sensitive matter, but you have helped us to have hope. I took many notes and will use them as you have directed. I look forward to speaking with you again soon, and hope that if needed you will be able to assist us as an expert witness in our court case.
Sincere regards to you and your family
July 20, 2014
We are in the final stages of an exceptionally difficult, complex and painful journey to reestablish a ‘parenting’ relationship with our granddaughter. She was virtually raised by us. This includes the period of time in which she and her parents, our daughter and son in-law, lived with us. The first roadblock for us was State law. It requires the relationship between the child and the grandparent to be exceptionally strong. Typical grandparent visits like birthdays, holidays, school events or vacations would, of course, not be sufficient. In our case, our granddaughter was with us from 6 in the morning to 5 pm, five to six days a week. This was from when our granddaughter was three months old until she was three years old and our daughter moved her out of our home and terminated the ‘parenting’ relationship. State law requires an expert to testify that, in such a case, much harm can come to the child now and in the future.
In researching for an expert, Dr. Haiman was identified. From the first call it was clear he would only do what is in the best interest of our grandchild: A position with which we were in full agreement. He asked probing questions and asked for background information before offering his opinion. He did not promise a position until he understood the facts. What he did show from the onset was a passion for protecting our grandchild. He clearly cared about her and was concerned about her wellbeing: a child’s advocate.
There came a time when he needed to meet her. His methodology was clear and understandable to the lay person. He presented no vague approach only the expert would know. His explanations were clear. We were included by him and felt comfortable with how the session would proceed. Again, no promises of result, just an honest, scientific approach.
When it came time to testify, Dr. Haiman was called on to defend the three elements of his expert testimony. First, his credentials, which are first rate and focused to address our case. Second, the methodology employed to reach his conclusion. Again, the approach was not “I sat in the room and observed”, it was logical, based on child development theory, and it was understandable. Finally, since the conclusions were from a court recognized expert, who applied well established and research-based methodology, they were impossible to question. The other attorney attempted to discredit the findings but even with his sometimes hostile approach Dr. Haiman stood firm and remained professional.
If you seek someone who truly cares about the assignment and is exceptionally knowledgeable we would recommend you speak to Dr. Haiman. He will speak from the heart and head, telling you what you need to know, not what you want to know. A very good person who we are proud to now call a friend.
May 14 2014
Hi Peter -
I do not know if you remember me - I corresponded with you in 2009/2010 regarding the high conflict custody situation that I was involved in with my ex (we were never married). At that time my daughter was 2 1/2 - 3 years old. She was showing signs of extreme distress before and after visits with her father - and the supervised visits had moved onto unsupervised visits.
Well - I am writing you to give closure to our story. I had decided that the only way that I could help protect my daughter was to move out of state. The Marin county courts granted a move away to Boulder, Colorado, in August of 2010. As part of the order, my daughter was to see a therapist to ensure that the move was not having a negative impact on her. Through these sessions, it was determined that my daughter was showing play that was consistent with a child who had been sexually abused. In January of 2011 my daughter began to disclose to me and to her therapist what "papa" would do to her and how he was touching her peepee. There is an incredible place here called ....... and they conducted two forensic interviews with my daughter. During these interviews they concluded that she was a "reliable witness" and that she had been sexually abused.
It still took a lot of court work - but finally - on October 02, 2013 - four years after my initial concerns - the courts terminated the rights of the father of my daughter.
I am finally on the road to recovery with my daughter after this six year journey of hell and the legal system. I am putting my story together now and I hope that maybe someone like CNN or Oprah will pick it up and put some light on how nearly impossible it is to protect children from predator parents. I am so relieved that our story has a positive end - but it was six unbelievable years of struggle - and worse - a lifetime of struggle for my daughter who has suffered emotionally. She has had an extremely difficult time in school (she is now in the first grade) - we just completed an evaluation; and the school district is recognizing that she has an "emotional disability". It is sad for me to watch her struggle emotionally - I know that she will make it, but it is sad none the less.... I wish that I could have done more sooner for her.
Anyway - I wanted to pass on the news to you as I had sought your advice and you were right on with what was happening. I will never understand why it is so hard with the court system.
Thank you for being there for us -
April 22, 2014
Hi, Dr. Haiman,
I just called to say thank you so much for your testimony today. It definitely swung things in my son's favor to eventually, hopefully, get to no overnights. And maybe the Dad will increase daytime parenting. In the meantime obviously the Guardian ad Litem was really peeved that you poked holes in her Google research. She is most likely going to dig her heels in and come up with more things that support her argument. My attorney says that right now we are in the lead for what we hope to accomplish. We are going to have to do some of those evaluations to determine who our son feels he is primarily attached to. Then we are probably going to have to reschedule a hearing for June. I didn’t get to testify today. We only got about half way through so I will be in contact with you to hire you again to get you to give your testimony again when we have our next hearing to refute the expert that they are going to have. Again I greatly appreciate everything that you have done. We all have learned so much. This has been a real eye opener for the commissioner who is in charge of the case as well. Thank you very much…. God bless.
April 11, 2014
Dear Dr. Haiman,
I would like to thank you for the article, “Protecting a child's emotional development when parents separate or divorce.” It gives great insight and strengthens my convictions as a primary caregiver.
I am the mother of five wonderful children. I have always been an advocate for children and primary caregivers close, undisturbed relationships. I too, believe that it greatly improves children's ability to handle all situations in life, especially stressful.
You clearly have the knowledge and true understanding of what it takes to create a more stabile community.
February 17, 2014
Hi Dr. Haiman,
Thanks again for taking the time to call. I really appreciate that you did and even cared enough to still continue the conversation even though I was not able to contribute to your professional fee. That right there speaks volumes to me!
The 2nd & equally important point I would like to make is that, it is extremely heartwarming and commendable that this cause regarding attachment parenting is being lauded by men, especially those with their outstanding academic credentials. I think that because it is being studied from the angle of a man, it will bear more weight in the judicial system than had these studies been done by women.
It is unfortunate that the reaction to a woman conducting these studies would not hold such merit as readers might just think it is filled with female emotion and gender biases with not enough logic.
So, I thank you Dr. Haiman along with the other men who have heralded the benefits to attachment parenting. I think should judges, lawyers, Children Aid Society and self-seeking fathers heard from you (directly) it would definitely be more credible and bear more weight. We know how this world is: men are still more respected than women.
I hope my opinion is not received in a negative light towards women as that is definitely not my intention but I am empowered by your life's work and the articles that you have written have given women like me, even a glimmer of hope in the face of such disconcerting and stalwart opposition where the care of our children are concerned.
Thank you so much Dr. Haiman. Kudos to you and all you do.
February 13, 2014
Thank you so much for this report and ensuring I have it before court on Monday. Please thank you for taking the time to send it to me. I am so very grateful! You're a very kind man.
You have no idea the relief I feel having spoken with you. The very things that feel so natural being mum to my son are the very things that the courts in Scotland bring into question. There is nothing more devastating and isolating than trying to protect your child from a system that claims they make decisions based on the child's best interests when in fact it couldn't be further from the truth.
I just need to have faith and trust that everything will go as it should. I am absolutely certain that your report will help!
I will contact you after Monday and let you know how we get on.
Take care and talk soon.
January 14, 2014
I want to include this note of thanks to you for all of the information you provided to me. I truly appreciate the caring manner in which you reached out and followed up as I was in the midst of my custody case. Although things have settled down, some of it is not over so I may be in touch in the future, hopefully not, but possibly. Because of what you shared and in talking to you during such a difficult period I know what I need to do in the best interest of my baby so that he is a happy, healthy, emotionally well-adjusted boy.
Thanks so much for what you do.
Take care and God Bless.
October 10, 2013
The report was wonderful it confirmed everything I believed about raising my son. It affirmed my beliefs were correct and did this with much evidence based research.
I had a CAFCASS officer whom believed my 1 year old child should attend nursery "to make handing him over to his father more 'normal'; who disapproved of my breastfeeding at 15months and requested I stopped; and who believed I had "seperation" issues from my son because co-sleeping was unnatural & dangerous!!
Suffice to say she needed to read the report cover to cover and think about her own feelings towards attachment parenting. My ex husband had similar views and he also got a copy to read!
I do not know if the report held any weight with the judge; but my barrister believed it was very good & I managed to get an appropriate level of contact befitting my child and our unique circumstances.
More than that the report gave me confidence and made me feel less alone. When so many 'professionals' are so negative this report gave me confidence to stand up and say that this is the evidence to back up what im saying. In the current UK system this was invaluable to me.
Also my phone conversation with you was reassuring. It was wonderful to talk to someone with such knowledge and interest in challenging 'westernised' culture for raising children.
I am deeply grateful. The report & discussion have enabled me to trust my instincts so that I can do the very best for my son.
Thank you again for everything. I am most in your debt.
August 23, 2013
Hi, Dr. Haiman.
Thank you again for the report and your support. It has made a difference so far, and I'm sure it will continue to do so as we make our way through this process. I did send the remainder of the payment, and I hope that has been received.
I wanted to share a quick update...
After the mediation last week, and as the hearing quickly approached, I became very concerned that I did not have the right lawyer fighting for _____. So, I found the right one. Finally! She is good, Dr. Haiman. In addition to so many other things that she has done to prepare for this case in such a short time, she also read your report, and it truly helped her to understand my position and to better argue for ____'s best interest.
Our temporary hearing did not take place today; it was canceled this morning by the judge. My lawyer is working with ____'s lawyer to try to come to a temporary agreement. At least for right now, the visitation schedule is good for ____. I know that there are more obstacles to cross before we finalize this divorce, but I wanted to let you know that ____ now has a really good lawyer in her corner with me.
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