More Parent Thank You Letters: Page 1 | 2 |
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April 15, 2009
Dear Dr. Haiman,
Although I am a writer, I often find that words do not adequately express... A 'thank you' seems simple enough, but the depths of its meaning vary widely - for you my dear friend, may I say that my thanks to you is as deep as my soul and as vibrant as my spirit - you have given me great gifts in our brief encounter, and I will treasure each one throughout my lifetime.
I wanted to take a bit of time to let you know my thoughts about a 'sense of wonder' in a child. My son and I have spent the majority of our days together passionately discovering and exploring the shapes, sounds, rhythms, colors, tastes, and textures of everything in our world - natural and man-made - for all have their intrinsic and extrinsic beauty and importance...
We use a flashlight at night to create an ocean of various kinds of fish swimming this way and that, and we swim with them; or a universe of planets and stars and moons. We shout out the colors of spring and the names of flowers as we drive, we take time to smell roses and lavender, and capture the beauty of dew drops on a spider's web. We pick and taste blueberries and we listen to the violin and piano. We dance under the stars and moon, and delight in the colors of the setting sun. We bring books into our garden and chat about the plants and insects we find - we catch bugs and watch their movement, and discover their colors, shapes and parts. We collect treasures from our walks, and we create art with them. We even take shapes and sights we see, and create stories around them. I make-up songs about all the things we do and see, and sing them to him.
As a result, I have a son who says to me, "Mama, come see, it's a fire red and pink sunset, you can't miss it!" Or "Mama, look up at the sky, it's the big - dipper, it looks like a wheel barrel in the sky." Or, "Mama, that's the brightest star I have ever seen, let's wish on it... Mama - I give my wish to you - it's a present to you..." Or, "Mama, that dandelion is a lovely flower, it is so beautiful."
My son indeed has a sense of wonder...
April 15, 2009
Doctor Peter Haiman,
How nice to hear from you. Hope all is well with you. So far everyone in the house is expressing their feelings every chance available. _____ is starting to cry when things bother him instead of holding everything in. I just hold him and then he tells me what he wants and how he feels. His old/present caregiver says that he is fine and he does not give any trouble. She has about 5 kids from various ages. He tells me he likes the kids and some mornings he will ask me for extra stacks so he can share with his new friends. He is starting to come out from that I’m a bad boy attitude to I'm a good boy all the time and you can see the difference in his behavior. We will continue the exercise with him. I attached a picture of him for you to meet my little man.
Once again Dr. Peter Haiman thanks. Thank for your continuing help and care for my child. God bless!
Thank you for your help and your knowledge.
I believe our difficult situation is easing using many of your suggestions and insights.
I will be in touch with you again.
July 17, 2008
Dear Dr. Haiman,
Thank you from my heart for the wisdom and guidance you provided to me during our conversation yesterday. As I prepare to take on the challenges ahead, it is a great comfort to know that I can continue to seek your expertise. I will use it wisely and with fortitude.
Thank you for always going the “extra mile” with me.
I truly could not have made it to this point without your understanding, support, and guidance.
Nov. 7, 2006
Dear Dr. Peter Ernest Haiman, PH. D.;
I was cleaning out our basement recently and I found your old business card so I decided to contact you to express my gratitude.
I wanted to thank you setting our family off in the right direction with the knowledge you shared with us years ago. I took two classes from you in Albany in 1987. The first class I took when I was pregnant and then I took another after my son, _____, was born. Thanks to your guidance I was shown a model that helped to create a wonderful warm loving 19 year old young man.
My husband and I were married 16 years before our son was born and he was precious to our lives long before we saw him. In the beginning years ago there was a hesitation to have children because I had come from an abusive background and I feared being a mother. I never wanted to repeat the patterns that I grew up with. After we wanted children it took us many years, several miscarriages to have a beautiful boy. The arrival of a healthy beautiful boy was momentous in our lives.
Your positive role models were my first direct experiences with a different way of life. I knew what I didn't want to do, but when you said "do you want to eat in the blue bowl or the red bowl?" and talked about giving a child choices, the light went on and I could see more of what I wanted to do. I could see a positive way of dealing with child rearing from your example and it has worked for us. We continued to read and learn as he grew up which has been exciting.
Fortunately, I was very committed to breaking the cycle of violence in my family long before I wanted to have children, and I am happy to say that neither of us has ever been physically or mentally abusive to my son. The cycle stopped with this generation and our son has grown up in an extremely loving supportive environment. He tells me every day that he loves me even though he has had a steady girlfriend for over two years. Your lessons gave me my first tools to help raise a child in a manner that was respectful and I am grateful.
When our son was about 3 months old I remember taking a test that you gave us to determine some of his psychological traits. My husband and I have commented on the fact that this personality has not changed since this test we took about him years ago. The test seemed very accurate to both of us.
I am so very glad that you were here for me to take a class, just a short walking distance from our home, almost 20 years ago. Thank you for being such a kind sharing warm human being. Your influence had a very positive ripple effect in the lives of our family.
Gratefully yours, ______ ________
Aug 15, 2002
Hope all is well with you. Autumn is always my favorite time of year. I just love watching the trees change colors. We are just coming out of winter – maybe a few more weeks of it.
I feel I’m treading unfamiliar ground sending this check. According to my records this is the balance of our account. My monthly trips to the bank to exchange Australian dollars into US dollars have sort of developed into a ritual. It reminds me our your comforting voice telling me to be nice to myself. I think things are going pretty well for me – in fact I remind others to be nice to me too.
_______ one week in still likes his job – he is amazed how clear they are in their focus. People ask questions that he feels would have been looked down upon at his previous job & it encouraged him to do the same.
Can’t tell you how much you have helped our family, ______ & myself. Our family is definitely the better for it.
May 31, 2002
Dear Dr. Haiman,
It was such a pleasure to meet you a few weeks ago! I only regret that I couldn't
find a chance earlier to write and tell you how much I enjoyed your excellent
presentation. I apologize for the tardiness of this note. However, I must
tell you how very often I have thought about things you said on May 15th;
I learned a lot about understanding my children's behavior. I think it was
a valuable evening for all of us.
I hope that we may be able to have you speak to our organization in the future.
I know we could all benefit from hearing more of your research and insights
about children's behavior. Furthermore, I am certain new members of our organization
would love to attend one of your presentations.
Thank you very much for taking the time—late into the evening—to
help us all in understanding our children better. Your provided some excellent
insights. In addition, after listening to your talk, I see how important it
is to think about the underlying causes of our children's behaviors. I feel
I gained valuable guidance on becoming a better parent.
Again, thank you very much of an enlightening evening. I look forward to seeing
you in the future.
April 16, 1999
As ever, your analysis of the problem seems accurate and your advice has been very helpful. I still have a ways to go but at least I'm moving in the right direction. _______ already appears to be much happier.
Many thanks, ______
August 8, 1999
Dear Dr. Haiman,
I found your questions about how I came to the interpretations I had come to (regarding my employer) disturbing but as it turns out, they were more on the mark than I had wanted to acknowledge.
On 2 August I gave notice to resign. _______, my supervisor, was somewhat taken aback and asked if I would be willing to talk about my decision. That led to hours of discussion and analysis of specific incidences. What became clear is that we do not interpret each other’s actions accurately. As a result of our discussions and an action he had already initiated on his own, we have agreed to meet with a facilitator to see what, if anything, can be done to improve communication between us.
I am not likely to stay with the ________ for a long time as emotionally it is too draining a place for me to work. But I now know that when I do leave, it will be by mutual agreement, not in severe frustration or any other reactive mode.
Thank you once again for meeting with me. And thank you for letting me know that I can call on you again, should I feel the need.
July 27, 1998
I sincerely appreciated your article. I have a 27 month old daughter, _____, and we are expecting a son, ______, in November. I have been struggling with ways to deal with what everyone else would call “normal toddler behavior,” i.e., the temper tantrums which seem to only happen at the mall or the grocery store for us, and running off on me when we are outside. She is a very precocious child, full of affection and endless energy.
When we experience one of the above-mentioned moments, I do admit that it is likely a result of her being either tired or over-stimulated (in re: to temper tantrums), and as to the latter, she is under-stimulated from being cooped-up in the house with me all day.
Which brings me to my question/dilemna. I stay at home with ______ at a cost. We are strapped financially and the consequences are that she and I are often stuck at home when my husband is at work, not always, but often. We life in a apartment complex where we rarely see any other children, and we live in Austin, Texas, which is quite, quite hot these days. So she gets very bored. And I feel terrible that she has no toddler companions. Do you have any suggestions to fill her day? We color, read, play basketball, play-doh, she helps me with household stuff.
January 30, 1997
Dear Dr. Haiman,
Thank you again for your words of wisdom. I put a copy of “For Your Own Good” on hold & will try & read as much of it as I can before next Thursday. I look forward to talking more with you then on how to deal with my quick temper.
October 1, 1996
Thank you very much for sending me the material and for a most encouraging
conversation. It is truly a relief to me to find professionals who support
what many moms know: they have to be with their children. At least, that is
how I feel.
I have a 4 year old and a 14 month old, as I told you. I am working at home
doing editorial and research and fact-checking work for a small publishing
company. My 4 year old goes to preschool, but my baby is still home and I
want to keep it that way! My life is a juggling act, but I will do anything
to keep my young children with me as much as possible. As I told you on the
phone, I have done a bit of research into attachment etc. I guess it is a
product of my job that I have to look into everything!
What I am especially interested in is how the mother influences and assists
in the brain development of her child. My reason for being interested in this
is that some people seem to think that if a baby is in a stimulating daycare
situation it is actually intellectually beneficial to them, and the mother-child
bond is not affected by being apart for a few hours each day, especially if
the environment is so stimulating for the child. The handout my friend sent
me, that I got your name from, said: "During his presentation Dr. Haiman
referred to material that found the development of the frontal lobes of the
brain are more fully developed in the infant whose primary care provider was
I was wondering if I could get a copy of the study that this came from and
talk to you about this a bit more? My idea is that since the mother is the
most responsive person to the baby, she is the ideal one to promote the development
of the frontal lobes, and that no daycare situation, however excellent, can
substitute for this. Is there anything more specific you could send me on
this particular area? I would then like to talk to you again after I study
a bit more. I am very curious about how the study was done and how the frontal
lobe development is measured etc.
I don't want to put you to a lot of trouble; I just was so excited when I
talked to you I was not very specific! When I talked to Jay Belsky several
years ago I felt he had a key to how attachment and daycare was viewed, but
how the mother is linked to the brain development of her child is even more
interesting to me. I really wished I lived in California and could come and
Thank you again for your encouragement & excellent work. Most sincerely,
Dec. 8, 1996
Dear Dr. Haiman,
______ wrote this at school. What better holiday wishes could we have? I knew you would appreciate it!
He's now mainstreamed in a small private school, and doing very well. All "E"'s on the report card - even in music and French! He's the best reader in his class of 22 "normal" kids. And, perhaps best of all, he's happy and well-liked by the other kids and the staff. Thank you again for all your help. We hope you and your family are well, and enjoying a wonderful holiday season.
Thank you for the phone help on Saturday. You had some good suggestions that we are to use this week. We'll keep in touch.